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When you no longer want what you thought you did..........
I have had several friendships over the years. Some rewarding and some toxic. One must stop and look and say Why Do I have so much Drama in my life? In my case I am in recovery. Yes I looked at why I had so much stress and so much Drama and it was not only because I invited it in but I participated in it.  I agree. What I used to relish in and participate it now is something I can not tolerate. It is that simple. I am sick of it. I am tired of it and I do not claim to have answers to the problems of others but I do have the answers to mine.  I would rather be alone in my own beliefs than in the company of hundreds that claim to love me and bring me drama.   I like getting along with others, I like letting go of anger, I like looking to the future and I like simple things. I despise drinking or being around those that abuse it, I do not want to hear about someones problems that they themselves brought on. I am a firm believer in a few things, Reincarnation, Karma, and Self Love. I never thought I would ever fall in love truly. I did with myself. How Do I know this? Well I am easily irritated with takers and emotional vampires and I no longer feel I have a debt to pay by being everyone's mother. I find I am a bit more selfish. I am still stuck in a less than desirable situation of course. It takes five minutes to get into it and years to get out of it. But....... I know what brings me peace and I know that after years of toxic female relationships the last of which I just ended this last week and the other last year and my toxic male relationships, I have come to the conclusion I do not need one at all. I have a few good friends who are female that just complete me, comfort me and is built on true respect for one another. I have had relationships with Men that have done nothing more than leave me a better person and I still hold those men as dear friends.  So this tells me that if my long term friendships are far more fulfilling than new ones the fact is it is not my issue I do not own the fact that two of the worst decisions of my life are now history.

Karma: You get in what you put out. You put out Good you will get good. When I say Good I do not mean open a door for someone or give someone money. I mean respect them, do unto them as you would have done unto you. If you put out bad your going to have a future of suffering. I speak to someone with kindness and respect I will get that back, If I speak the truth to you even when you do not want to hear it I am being a good friend. When I forgive those that have done me wrong and move forward with indifference to them instead of hatred I practice self love.  I have been studying Buddhism and Hinduism. Beautiful things they are. I am not a Buddhist I am not going to give up all my worldly possessions and go pray on the mountains of Tibet but I am not so focused on the material things, I am not longer afraid of burning in hell for my mistakes. After all Every religion is simply a path to the same mountain top and the only one wasting its time on the journey is the one complaining all the other paths are wrong.

As I grow older life becomes more complicated and this is common in the early moments of impending empty nest. I notice my need to spend time with certain people has declined. I still  love and care for them, but for many reasons, those individuals and people have become too complicated or too negative to be worth my time and effort to keep them going.
I see no reason to keep a  friendship that is critical. Friends are supposed to be there for us. why have them If they do not do that?  Also why Burden them with demons of your own creating.  We can do better.  Yet having a friend who is gently and bluntly honest with us is healthy.  It is not wise to have critical people in our daily lives. People who consistently criticize us hurt our Souls. From time to time we can be served well by a friend not afraid to tell us where we are wrong but every day and constantly is not healthy. Karma you get what you put out! You choose!

Befriend only people with good energy that don’t promote or create drama. ~Carmen Portela

I find such peace in thinking I have lived before. If I have lived before than this old soul has another one waiting for me when She sheds this body. i find peace in being peaceful. I find happiness in such simple things. I do not need much to be happy. I do not question my choices anymore. I have sad situations, stress and bills. I have other less than great things going on that bring me tears. Yet even as I cry I am happy with who I am. I am Happy to have life, the sun, the wind, the birds. I am Happy in spite of the constant every day crap.  I do have a plan and that is a plan to build a reputation not to participate in dramatics, help others that do not help themselves or to ever tolerate being disrespected. It does not mean I have to argue or fight it just means be Indifferent. Say nothing and move forward.